Self Confidence. You vs You.

We were having a conversation with some guys and one of the questions that I was asked was, "Tell me about confidence. What can I do to improve my confidence?" And I said, you know, everybody is asking for like a five-step process to having more confidence, right? But, to me, confidence stems from a couple of different things. I am going to talk about two different things, one of them being how to be more confident.  No matter you do, a person who's a criminal who's extremely confident, a man who's a player who's extremely confident with women, a businessman who's extremely good at what he does with business, a person who runs anything; a coach, an athlete, anybody who's extremely confident at what they do, it's not just a natural state. Yes, some people could naturally come across as more confident than others and it could be from positive reinforcement, from their families telling them how amazing they are, or a good mentor or a wife that tells them how amazing; yes, all of that plays a very big role. There is a role that plays with that.

But some cultures,some nationalities, they are not raised in an environment where somebody's telling them how amazing they are. If you come from the Middle East, the Asian community, that community is not about "Oh, you're so awesome, you're going to do so great things." No, it's like,"you didn't do this, you didn't do that." So there is a part that plays a role, but not as big as we think. But the thing that I brought up is, I said, "Look, if you don't have confidence in yourself, it's because what you say and what you do are not aligned. So what do I mean by that? If you say, "Hey, the key to success is hard work" but you'are not working hard, you don't have confidence, because you know you're not being honest with the man in the mirror, or the woman in the mirror, right? If you say, "you know, you have got to save money" but then if you are not saving money, because internally you are having a battle that no one sees, it's a hypocritical battle, because inside, you don't respect yourself because you know what you are saying is not what you're doing. So you don't feel good about yourself, so there's a lack of confidence in you. 

The people who have a lot of confidence, what they say and what they do, they have a lot of belief in it. Because they're doing it. The key to success in business is if you work hard, and go out there and you make the calls, you do this, you do that, and you're doing it, people are going to buy. And so then the other side of it comes, where it's having leadership with influence. Leadership with influence. So one is confidence -- so you have confidence in you; it's an internal battle. It's an internal game. You vs. You. Right? Confidence

Then you have people that you say, "Man, how does this person have so much influence over people? Why is it that these people respond to what he has to say or what she has to say?" Right? That comes down to what? Moral authority. And here's what moral authority is. If what you are doing and what you are saying is aligned in your mind, and then eventually, you now have the moral authority for you to talk about that, because you know the details about how to have confidence in business and succeed, then others listen to you and then you have influence. Now all there certain anomalies of people that write a key to success and the next thing you know, the book blows up but they've never really worked hard, they just wrote a book that did very good. Yes, there are some people like that. But I don't want to subscribe to the anomaly. I don't want to subscribe to the exception. I want to figure out a formula that I can replicate, that can bring me results.That's what I'm looking for. So, if you're looking for confidence, always ask yourself, what you say is it what you do? What you do, is it aligned with what you say? If it is, you believe in yourself. If it's not, you don't like yourself. And when you don't like yourself, you're insecure, you don't like what you're doing, you don't really like being around. There's not an alignment with what this guy believes and does. There's a lot of internal battles. 

Let me tell you, the worst type of battles are not a battle with anybody else outside. The worst, most painful, frustrating battles I've ever faced in my life is me against me. Biggest. It's never been against anybody else. It's been me against me. Once these words match the behaviour, confidence goes up and once enough people start realising that what you say and what you do matches the behaviour, moral authority leads to influence, leads to action, leads to other people wanting to work with you, to learn from you, to be around you, to be influence by you, then there's success, there's growth, there's results, then there's lifestyle, then there's credibility.